SPD - What is it?

I've been inspired. Inspired to write. Inspired to share my story.....my family's story. The story God gave me and my family and specifically, my sweet little boy, Aiden.

I found a blog community with children with SPD. What is that? SPD is what tries to control my precious little boy's world. I hate it. I hate the pain and the confusion and the anger that is causes my little guy. So what is it? Basically its a neurological condition in the brain that some people are born with that confuses any sensory input that enters the brain. It is on the autism spectrum....not as severe as autism...but it shares some characteristics of autism.....and it mirrors ADHD. The best analogy that I have found about it is this. Imagine you are walking into walmart on Black Friday, you have had NO sleep, NO food and you cannot even remember why you are there (because your brain is so overwhelmed that it cannot process everything.) There are bright lights shining in your face to top it off and you constantly hear loud noise (like a fire alarm going off) all around you. We can take that kind of sensory overload for a few hours because we know we can escape it...but it does affect us. We get tired, irritable, headaches and overwhelmed and all we can think is I want OUT of here and I want to go to BED!
That is his world...only he cant escape it....ever. No breaks! No paying for your items and enjoying the rest of the day in bed with quiet all around you. Your senses are always working.....so his brain is always trying to make the best of it and figure out how to calm down (regulate is what we call it in our world).

I noticed this when he was almost 2. Didnt know what it was...never heard of this.....but my mommy instinct said something is very different with him. Lots of quirky behavior. Like wanting to touch peoples skin all the time.....even strangers.....mostly strangers. He has to touch or smell certain things to calm down. Its cute when a 2 year old boy seeks out a strange lady and hugs her legs..........at 3 years old, you get some weird looks.....at 4, people are just uncomfortable...and they should be. That's where I come in. The momma that was always quiet and an introvert....now has to rescue these strangers and endure their judgmental looks at my little boy. I'm getting used to it but what breaks my heart is how he is starting to understand that there is something different in the way people look at him. They dont understand him...we fear what we dont understand. Let me tell you there is no reason to fear my sweet little boy. He is one of the most sensitive, sweetest, smartest kids I have ever met. But you don't get to know that side unless you invest the time. Some do. From those teachers and friends what I hear is "I love Aiden" and he is a special, special boy. I had one teacher at church tell me that she tells her husband about "her" Aiden all the time. She gets it. She gets him. She loves him and she sees past the kid that everyone else thinks is just "bad." People mistake him for bad all the time. Is he bad? NO. Why do people call him bad? Because when he is in a group or a new environment (meaning not his house) he gets overwhelmed....and irritable...and scared. When he gets scared, he acts out by screaming at adults or not participating in activities that adults want  him to participate in.....but he can't....and he will tell you that. He is a little delayed in his speech but not much. He cant always tell you what he is feeling but if you listen he will tell you the truth. He may scream "I can't, I don't want to, I'm too busy". Some adults hear that as I'm the boss and I won't obey. What he is really saying is "I can not do it. My mind is too busy and I can't sit down and listen to your story or color that page. I really cant. I don't want to suffer or get in trouble...I just want someone to understand me and help me cope with my landscape right now." Then usually he is made to. I have walked into a room while he is in the midst of this and seen adults pick him up and try to hold him in a chair while he is screaming and hitting. I can't even tell you how sad this makes my heart for him. He is already learning about how scary this world can be at 4 years old. Adults think they are doing the right thing because he is not obeying......I try to prepare them and educate them....but as a dear friend told me recently, some people don't want to be educated. Some people dont believe in SPD or ADHD or any other "d". I used to be one of those people....then I worked with a deaf child with ADHD a couple of years after I graduated. I had no idea God was preparing me to parent my own child a few years later. Preparing me how to understand him advocate for him. Isn't God good? He places our feet right where they need to be at the right time. So glad He does that.

Recently I made a mistake. I took him to VBS for 5 days. I thought one more time, we could handle this. He can handle this. He would have fun. I can't go into detail about all he suffered through that week...but I can tell you that it broke my heart like I have never had it broken before. He locked himself in the bathroom, yall, because no one understood him and no one wanted to be his friend. He came to me crying and in the best articulated words that I have heard from him, he said "I need you mommy." Simple words. What I knew he meant was, " Mommy, this is hard. Really hard. People don't understand me like you do. People are afraid of me and my reaction and that makes me afraid of me too...and of them. I need you mommy to rescue me when people are laughing at me or forcing me to sit when I can't or telling me how bad I am being. I just need to be close to you, mommy."  What I learned is that I made the mistake of expecting him to handle something that he couldn't and that he may not ever participate in some of the things that I did as a child. And that is okay. We can play in the sand where its quiet, we can learn our ABCs at home until we can learn how to handle ourselves in a group, we can laugh and love and live and I can shelter him from some of the harshness of this world. But I also have to pray for a lot of wisdom to know when to shelter and when to let it hurt a little. Right now, God says shelter...and love....and teach...and that's what we are doing.

Aiden was diagnosed in March and began seeing an OT. I was lead, by God, down this path by a dear friend after a heart felt cry out to God to show me what is hurting Aiden and what route we need to take to get him help. Sometime I will tell that story. It is one of those things that has God written all over it..  I debated not putting his story out there. I want to protect him...and his personal story..but I feel like God is saying to share it for His glory. God has big plans for Aiden....really big plans. Mark it down. I already know it. As strongly as I knew he was dealing with something most of us don't. I can't wait to see what it is!If you take the time to get to know my little guy, truly know him, you will find one of the sweetest and most compassionate people you have ever met. He has a lot of love to share and he is always looking for someone to share it with!