I remember it like it was yesterday. Heck, wasn't it yesterday???
Sitting at my desk at work, just a normal day. I answered the phone and on the other side, I heard some of the sweetest words I have ever heard.
Your baby is being born right now. You need to get home, get packed and come to the hospital to meet his bio mom and in a few hours the baby should be here.
Now let me backtrack a little. After a long wait (well, we thought it was long, it really was pretty short), we had matched with a beautiful mother that was planning to choose adoption for her son. I don't publicly share my children's adoption stories with others. Its THEIR story. One day, they can choose if they want to share it. But I will guard it just as I guard their hearts until that day. But I can say that we had a very, very risky adoption. There were many times when we weren't sure it would happen, weren't sure if she was even alive at this point.
We were matched for 2 months with her before she delivered Aiden and for most of that time, she was nowhere to be found. Let me also say that this was 9 months after we were "homestudy approved" and ready to accept a match. We were already on our second agency, had already had a "failed match", meaning we had said "yes" to a baby girl, paid a lot of money towards her adoption, and less than 24 hours later, were told that the birth mother had chosen to place her child with a friend of a friend. We were told to get on a plane and come to Kansas, because she wanted to meet us to see if she was doing the right thing. We rushed home from work, made some calls, prayed very quickly and were about to head to the airport when we were told that she had changed her mind and did not want to meet us. We.Were.Heartbroken.
Now, years later, I can look back and see God meant it ALL for our good. But at that time, it was really, really, really hard. A broken heart along with a broken dream will just about kill you with the pain. You see, not only were we heartbroken over the fact that we were not going to parent this little girl, but now we were beginning to realize that, unfortunately we were with a bad agency. I am so glad that at that time, we didn't really know how bad (unethical) they were, but it was pretty clear that they were in it for the money and we had just become victims. They had NO intentions of giving us our money back in order to pursue another adoption and from what others were saying, they would not "match" us with another baby.......and even if they did, we would not have the money to finance another adoption. Adoptions cost thousands of dollars. It's not spare change! Long story short, we fought with them, well Joe fought with them, while I cried my eyes out! Poor Joe! Anyway, finally, we realized that we had to give it to Jesus. We knew that we can always trust Him with our dreams.
Let me just say that this agency (out of Arkansas) no longer exists. They were investigated by the FBI and shut down.
Back to the story, so, after we asked Jesus to rescue us from this mess, we received a call from them. A mother had come into the agency THAT DAY and said that she wanted to place her baby, was 7 months pregnant and didn't want to "handpick" the adoptive parents. Now we were not first in line.............we were last (out of 45). There were MANY other couples in front of us that had also lost their money, had failed adoptions and had waited MUCH longer than us to be matched with a baby. BUT, remember how we asked Jesus to rescue us and bring us OUR baby even if he had to move mountains. WEEEELLLLLLLL, He did! This was a risky adoption, very risky, but we knew that God was opening this door. So we said "yes" to this mother and baby. Long story short, there were many, many times that we thought she was not going through with it or as I said, that she might not even be alive.
Then one week before he was born, she re-entered the picture. We were able to meet her, go to a dr. appt with her (her first) and visit the hospital where he would be born. She was not due for another few weeks, so we said our good-byes, again wondering if this would really even happen.
7 days later, that call came. This. Was .Happening!!!!!! We rushed to the hospital, met again with the birthmom and began our wait for this baby to arrive. I was the support system for her. We (Joe and I) were it. I held her hand in labor, advocated for her to some extent, talked with her, and tried to not be afraid!
The doctor came in to tell us (her and us) that there were problems, this baby was early, small and might not even make it. If this baby did make it, he would go to NICU for quite a while. I was scared and confused but God kept whispering to my heart to "be still and know that He is God."
We were told that they would try to stop her labor and that we would be here a while. So Joe and I went across the street to eat dinner and process all we were being told. Our agency dropped off the planet during her labor so we felt very alone and very inadequate to deal with all of this alone. It was clear that we would need to be her support system as well and to be honest, we weren't prepared for that at the time. God loves to stretch His children, though, doesn't He?? ;)
We had just ordered our food and sat down at the table when Joe's cell phone rang. It was the Dr telling us that there were problems and she was being rushed into a emergency delivery right then. They could not wait for us to walk across the street, they instructed us to go to a waiting room outside of the NICU room to wait for the Dr. We waited for what seemed like forever. Finally, a nurse came out and told us to go in and we could see the baby. As we walked into the room, the nurse handed me this tiny, baby and said, "It's a boy."
I can't explain how I felt at that moment.......SO IN LOVE......but also still very much trying to guard my heart......he wasn't ours yet..........oh how I wanted him to be but we still had a long way to go.
2 days later, we were allowed (after more legal scares) to take him home with the knowledge that his birthmother could ask for him to be given back to her for 10 more days. After 10 days, we were told he was ours.......but that there were some more legal concerns and that his father could come and get him for 30 more days...........30 days later, we were told there would be another 30 days at risk. This went on for a while. EIGHT long months later, all of those legal concerns were satisfied and he was OURS. OURS. Nobody could take him away from us!
SO Tuesday, that sweet, little, beautiful, precious little boy will turn 5.........FIVE............oh how that hurts my heart a little. Watching him grow up is AMAZING. But five is a big deal. He isn't a baby anymore. He needs me less than he used to. He wants more and more freedom and I have to make myself be willing to give it to him!
Speaking of growing up, his birthday gift from us this year is a big boy room. He LOVES it. He thinks he is so big. Well, He IS big!
One Proud little pirate!
We'll be celebrating as a family on Tuesday (his birthday) and then again with his friends on Saturday at his party. Looking forward to it!
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