Resting and Retreating

Rest. That has been on my mind lately. Not resting as in a  break from the day.........but learning about rest and what God has to say about it.

Today I was given the chance to attend a one day retreat for moms of  "special" children. There were quite a few of us there and we had several small group discussions today. Discussions with other moms who "get it." For me, it was a lot of listening and not talking. I'm not a big group talker anyway. If you know me, you know this. I am an introvert who does not enjoy being the center of  discussion. I do speak up when God tells me to and there are times that he does......but mostly I just love to listen. You learn a lot from listening to people. But especially for me, today, I just wanted to listen to moms who have walked this road MUCH longer than me. Who have experienced heartaches, heart breaks, special moments, terrifying moments and just the honor of being a mom to a special child. Many of these moms have walked a much harder road than I have. Many do it alone. I thank God for my husband, because I DON'T do it alone. I wanted to learn and soak in what they have to teach me.

After a particularly difficult ending of our week, God gave me  rest. He spoke to me once again, reminding me that I don't have to be afraid of the future for my little man...either of them. He gently spoke to me about how he hand-picked Aiden to be a part of our world..........and that he KNEW before I was born that I would be A's mom. He knew all the things that I would need to go through to teach A about compassion, love and God (even in a world that isn't always full of those things).

On the days and moments when I'm not sure where to turn or even if I should teach a lesson in that moment or just embrace my son and love him  unconditionally and completely and let him know that his momma will ALWAYS have his back. God reminded me that HE is all I need. Just to put my hand in His and ask for His help and remember that MY GOD is greater (than SPD), He is stronger (than I am), He is HIGHER than anything I can imagine....and also that HE is healer. Healer. I don't know if God will heal A from SPD....He may and He may not but MY GOD WILL HEAL. He heals hearts. He heals brokenness. He is a defender of the weak.... the special.  That gave me REST. I don't have to be his only defender or advocate. My A will be defended by the God of the universe. I couldn't ask for anything more.

Then I head a quote that put it all in perspective to me. "Blessings come through broken things. God never gives us something "broken" without turning it into a blessing." That is SO true.  Most people feel sorry for special children...and their parents.........but if you ask a parent of a special child, they will tell you that is unnecessary. A is one of my life's greatest blessings...not just because he is my son......but because he is special. He has taught me SO much about life, myself and about God. Nothing has ever taught me so much about the love of God than the relationship that I have with Aiden.

I am SO thankful that He chose me to be A's momma and that I get to travel this incredible journey with him, watching God grow us both and turn mourning into rejoicing!