More REALLY BIG News

Received a phone call today from our agency.It was a big one. We were chosen and "matched" with a baby in Florida due Nov 28th. Not sure if its a girl or boy yet. There are some risks (as always) so I am not letting myself get too excited yet....but the timing is all God's. Here is what I mean:

This past weekend, Joe and I sat down and discussed our adoption road. We came to the conclusion that we really didnt have the strength to go any further. This was Sat night. We decided that because the agency was still waiting on the answers from 2 birthmothers as to whether or not they would choose us...we would honor our word and wait on the answers to these 2 situations. But I really felt like they would both be a "no" and that our journey was over. We started the countdown to this Friday (tomorrow).
Yesterday in a ladies Bible study I am in, We talked more about the wilderness and what it means. We talked about how GOd sometimes asks you to "Stand still". To stand means to do something (not sit) ....it requires action on your part......but to Stand Still means to do your part (to stand) and to let God do the rest. There were some other points brought out.....God reminded me of our first adoption story and some of the absolute miracles that happened there......all yesterday. I was pretty confused when I came home because I felt like God had relayed to me that I needed to "not give up" and do my part....but not God's part....and that fear was blinding me from hearing God's word. So I prayed. Still confused. On one hand, I felt like God was saying, "hold on" and on the other hand, I felt such complete peace at letting go.Sadness? Yes....but peace.....and peace is what I want SO much right now.
So I decided to keep it to myself and not to even tell my husband about these conflicting emotions. After all, we had made a decision, a hard decision, and it wouldn't be fair to him for me to drag it through the mud again and put questions in his mind.
So this morning, I woke up again ready to try to talk my heart into being okay with all of this. I prayed this morning....and I told God that I didnt want to put HIm on a time table and say you have 2 more days or we are out of here........but I told God that Joe and I are really, really tired. This adoption is affecting us, our son, Joe's job, and we are both exhausted emotionally. We want YOUR will.....but we want to rest......and we have to make a decision......so we need YOU to show up strongly and CLEARLY tell us if you want us to keep going. I really wasnt expecting to hear anything (lack of faith, I guess) but 2 hours later, we get a call that we were chosen by this baby's mother. The one that we were hoping for the most of the 2. We were actually chosen by her on Tuesday...but for some other reasons, the agency didnt call us until today. 2 HOURS after I prayed asking God to stop us from abandoning our adoption journey if He had another child for us.
Can I just say, that if you don't know Jesus - you are missing out on a mighty good ride through life!!!!! Not always easy....but He is always, always working. So glad I don't have to do it alone.
So.....technically we are matched. She can always change her mind and if you have journeyed with us, you know that many times they do change their mind. I don't know if we will parent this baby.....but my GOD has shown up to tell me that HE is in charge and that WE are to stay with it for now. Even if she changes her mind and our hearts are broken again, HE has done HIS part and HE has come through for us!

If it does work out, then we will always KNOW that GOD chose this baby for us @ just the right time @ just the last minute and HE LOVES US that much!