Adventures in the Wilderness

I'm in a ladies Bible Study right now. We are studying Priscilla Shirer's, "One in a Million." We just started the study but I am already hearing from God through it. Love it when that happens!!! This week we discussed the 40 years that the Israelites spent in the Wilderness......and I realized something.......I'm kind of there with them right now. Don't know why that hasn't occurred to me before now....but sometimes God has to hit me over the head with the obvious. What do I mean by that??
Well, Joe and I have been pretty discouraged with our adoption road recently.....we are in the wilderness......eating manna everyday......God's manna from Heaven.......but we tend to complain about it. Okay - let me explain. This January will mark the 2 year anniversary of us beginning the process to adopt again. When we stepped out onto that road, we were excited. We knew where we going.....yeah - we would have to journey through a forest of paperwork, decisions, approvals and saving lots of money - but once we got through that forest, our sweet new baby would be on the other side (Our Canaan Land). It would be quick, right? Of course it would. We have done this before - we learned the rope...and God wouldn't make us wait forever, right? I'm sure that's what the Israelites thought too. But God's ways are not our ways. So now almost 2 years later.....we have traveled through the forest, through the jungle and now we are in the wilderness. Is it tempting to complain?? Oh yeah - it is. Is it right to complain? Oh no. Don't get me wrong, I think God loves to hear our thoughts on things - even when we are unhappy - but just like I don't like to hear my son complain when I give him carrots instead of a lollipop for dinner - God knows best. He does. End of story.
I wish I could remind myself of that every day......life would be so much simpler. Instead I complain about the manna. What's manna?? Well, when the Israelites were in the wilderness, God sent them manna every morning to eat. It rained down from the sky. It tasted good, y'all. It was sweet - kind of like a piece of sweet bread or doughnut probably.....but they had to eat it for 40 years. As of recently, we have been getting news almost daily about new situations or updates on present situations that we might "match" on. That just means they found babies that would fit in our family well. That is good news......but we find ourselves complaining. For a year a half, we didn't hear anything about ANY matches....now we hear them weekly @ the least and almost daily most of the time. But we complain because they haven't been the right one and we don't understand why God is allowing this to take SO much time. I find myself telling God how tired I am (as if He doesn't know that) and how frustrated I am that I always expect the worst outcome when we are waiting to hear of a match. All the while, God just keeps sending us manna from Heaven...it comes in the form of news almost everyday, chances every week that instill hope in me that this may happen yet. It comes in the form of encouraging words from friends, sent by God, just at the right time when I feel like I can't take another step. You know who you are - and THANK YOU! It comes in sweet kisses from my Savior that He cares about my hurt and He continues to love me through all of my weaknesses. It comes in the form of sweet little giggles throughout the day from my little boy that remind me of how RIGHT God was when He placed Aiden in our family, even though I doubted that HE would ever come. It comes in peace....just enough peace to carry on for one more week and hope that this is the week. God is SO faithful, y'all. SO faithful.

In the past couple of weeks, Joe and I have come to the place that we don't know if we want to continue on our adoption journey. We are hanging on right now, barely, but hanging on. Praying that God will direct our paths and help us not to be full of ourselves...but full of Him. Full of His will. Please pray with us....pray that we will not end this journey if God is not calling us to end it. The wilderness can be a tricky place. It's full of promise to come. But its easy to be so blinded by your circumstances and exhaustion that you truly can't see God's hand. Our Canaan may be what we expected - it may be a baby and it may be close. Our Canaan may also NOT be what we expected - it may just be peace and happiness that only God can give in the midst of a broken heart. Either way - Canaan is full of God's promise....but the wilderness is full of things that make you want to get out of it as soon as possible!!!

Our latest news is that the 2 year old's mother is still trying to decide between our families. It has been 3 weeks and that usually means she isn't going through with it. We have kind of accepted that this one is over even though it isn't officially done. We were planning to be shown for another baby today....but that one didn't work out either. Now we are waiting on details on another baby from Florida.